Having a healthy relationship is a goal that most couples aim for. We all want to find that special someone who shares our interests, teaches us new things and motivates us to be a better version of ourselves. What happens when we start changing our true authentic selves to accommodate our partner’s needs? Being in a relationship should not change who you are, right? I’ve had the opportunity to work with many couples. All of them have had one thing in common. They start their relationships playing a “role”, assuming that is what their partner wants in the relationship. Confused? Let me explain.
At the beginning of every relationship, we are “lost in love”. Spending time with our new partner gets priority over everything else in our lives, the key here is balance. Never forget that you were someone before your new love came into your life. You should never lose yourself in a relationship. In fact, a strong partnership should add to your identity, strengthening parts of your personality that you never knew you had and introducing you to things you never knew you would like. So, let’s go back to playing a role. When you start a relationship, it is common to want to satisfy and please your partner, but while compromise is necessary to a successful relationship, you should never feel like you have to surrender your individuality. This will only contribute to resentment and regret in the long run.
Many people dread the idea of being alone or losing someone they care about so much that they are willing to do anything they can to preserve their relationship, even if the relationship is in a fragile state. Sometimes people can lose themselves in the process. To them, any type of relationship is better than none. At this point, you are playing a role and the loss of identity slowly begins. You may act differently when you are with your partner or hide pieces of your personality you are not sure they will like. You worry that your partner loves the person you have become and fear they don’t know the person you truly are. Resentment for your partner far exceeds the love you have for them and the relationship that was once a priority has become a burden you wish you could escape.
Do you feel you are losing your identity in your relationship? If so, TCP Marriage & Family Services is here to help you find yourself again. For more information on our services, please call our office at (210) 516-2607 or visit our website at: www.tcpmfs.org.