Do you often say, “YES” to everyone? When asked, “Why do you help everyone or try to fix everyone’s issues” do you respond with, “I don’t want to be selfish,” “I want to be a good person,” or “I feel sorry for them?” Although you have a big heart and want to be kind, you could be considered a “people pleaser.” So, is this a bad thing? The answer is both yes and no. Let me explain.
Many people live their lives based around the opinions of others. In conversation, they may pretend to agree with a group to avoid feeling excluded, even if it means going against their values or beliefs. Usually, these types of individuals feel responsible for how others feel and put their happiness on hold to please others. No one has the power to make someone happy! They also apologize often and blame themselves instead of letting the person at fault take responsibility for their wrongdoings.
People pleasers have trouble saying “no.” Often, they take on burdens that cause them unnecessary stress which can have negative effects on their health, relationships and overall quality of life. When you continue to commit to others’ needs and not your own, your goals in life may never be reached. If you feel uncomfortable when others are angry with you, you are more likely to compromise your morals to avoid conflict. Lowering your standards to seek validation and approval from others is a toxic behavior pattern and should be avoided when possible.
Learning to love yourself and stand-up for what you believe is extremely important! Putting yourself first makes you strong, courageous and not selfish. For more information on Assertiveness, Self-esteem and Confidence, contact TCP Marriage & Family Services at (210) 516-2607 or visit our website at: