The last hugs, the last laughs and the last time I would ever be
For the last week tears have rolled down my face
and just overall been sober
and can’t stop thinking of you.
You can’t leave me,
you can’t leave my family
you don’t deserve this.
The headaches, breakdowns, and heartbreaks
make me ask myself if this is even real.
When I wake up, you might not be there but I know
God is.
When I do wake up I turn on my candle and ask
God to give you
more days to live
because I am not ready.
I won’t be ready until a few years,
but I don’t know if God can promise me that.
Somehow I manage during the day
but once night comes my heart breaks into
millions of pieces.
I know somehow we are all going to see you
one day.
You are courageous for battling this virus,
something that not everyone can do.
You are a role model to me and my sisters.
We look up to you and forever will.
I can’t imagine life without you.
You brought me so much joy every time you came to visit us.
I loved spending time with you
every moment with you was just incredible
seeing you happy with your granddaughters.
I remember you would always let me take you for drives and
trusted me because you wanted me to
get better.
I also remember that you were so nosey
wanted to know everything and anything that happened with friends and school.
At night, I would ask so many questions about you and grandma’s love life
when you were young and would always tell me
if I would have a boyfriend to make sure he knew Spanish and
knew how to dance.
You drove 2 hours to see your granddaughters
made us so happy that we get to see our grandparents every 2 weeks or so.
When I lay next to you, you know that I want a massage and
it would always feel good after cheer practices.
You would call me beautiful and how great a life I have.
You told me if something were ever to happen to you
make sure you take care of grandma and mom.
You always took care of me and my sisters and got anything we needed.
In Eagle Pass, Texas,
I would always sleep on the floor with you cause that’s how you liked it.
I loved how you wouldn’t care
how you dressed when you would pick me up from school.
You would wear chanclas, long shorts,
with an Astros hat which was my mom’s.
I remember during Thanksgiving in elementary school
I didn’t want my parents to go have lunch with me
I wanted my grandpa and grandma to go instead.
You always told me I was good at sports and to continue to play them.
Every day
I would make him watch me shoot baskets and if I missed you would say,
‘‘how could you miss that’’
and make it on the first try.
You are so skinny, but yet you can eat a lot of those tacos and empanadas.
Right now, you are in the hospital with an oxygen mask which is the only thing that can keep you alive.
I would do anything to be in the position you are in
you be home with your wife and children so
you see how great they are taking care of grandma.
As I’m typing this I wish you were home with me and the family.
I pray to God
whatever his decision is to either take you from us or stay,
but whatever it is it’s probably
for the better.
I know you will be happy with God and the angels
as they take your hand.
I know we will one day be happy to know that
we are still connected somehow.
We all need you because you are worthy of this big family.
I never would imagine this happening to you.
Life can’t be continued without you.
I am blessed to have you come to our home and
make it through the day and night.
You taught me how to love one another and
protect each other,
cause you will never know what will happen.
As I breathe through thinking about you,
I see my family crying over my shoulder
every day asking God to hold you.
I ask God
for forgiveness because
I hope you can forgive me for whatever I did wrong.
I ask God
for hope because I wish you can be home and
be healthy for more years.
Nothing can make me smile
when I see you suffering.
When we have our zoom meetings every other day,
while you are at the hospital,
I am at a loss for words because I don’t know if you look okay.
I can’t process what is being done to you.
I seriously can’t lose
my grandpa and my
best friend.
This isn’t a goodbye
but I’m just thankful for my amazing mother
and tia and tio
that were taught to love our family and
continue to grow.
December 18th, 2020 was a day that my heart
couldn’t be put
back together.
I hear a knock on my door as I am half asleep and
my dad gets closer with a whisper saying
your grandpa passed away
with tears rolling down his cheeks.
I couldn’t process what he had said.
I ran downstairs where my grandma and my sisters
were hugging her and cuddling grandma.
We didn’t think
we just cried and
asked God to take care of him.
I lost a legend,
a man that was so powerful.
I am here today surrounded by people who love you and
would do anything to have you here again.
I know you would want us to be happy and
dance to cumbias, but for now,
I hope everyone can bow their heads and
ask God
to give grandpa an even better life with
our other families that passed away.
Also to give our grandpa a thank you for taking care of all of us as
best as he could.
In my mind and
as I think about the fact that I don’t have you anymore,
it makes me think about how many great memories we had.
You are just so handsome and
I’m glad I was able to become the granddaughter of the
best grandpa
in the whole world.
I love you, Welo.
Now it’s been two months
without you and time flies.
No one knows this, but I truly deep down think about it every night in my room.
I feel so weak crying over you.
As soon as I wake up with baggy eyes and a sleepy face,
I motivate myself to work out and let all the anger out of me,
but at the end of the day,
I just become stronger than yesterday.
I become the granddaughter
you taught me to be
and walk with my head high and
let nothing get to me.
It is crazy grandma has to live on her own
which is unfortunate and I’m glad she was somewhat happy,
depending on a good day.
I am grateful for all the blessings we had over the 2 months without you
and how you watched every move me and my family made.
Two years later today,
I share my last words with you.